"Dave likes to keep active in the summer. He bikes to work at least once a week. On Thursdays he plays ultimate, and on Fridays he play soccer. Monday and Wednesdays, however, he does something decidedly different."

This was Dave's CC5 speech.

I make an effort to keep active in the summer. I don't particularly want to be active. I am not one of those people who is happy only when running 5 miles a day (rain or shine) and climbs a mountain every weekend. My instinct is to relax and enjoy those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, just kicking back with soda and pretzels and beer (or preferably, wine). But this lifestyle eventually leads to boredom, weight gain, and a phone call from your doctor informing you of your high cholesterol blood test result.

So I make an effort to keep active. I don't like exercise for the sake of exercise. Jogging and lifting weights, for example, is not my thing. I prefer purpose to my exercise, even if that purpose is only to keep me entertained. So I tend to gravitate towards sports and combining exercise with commuting. I try to bike to work at least once a week. During lunch on Thursdays I play ultimate. On Friday's it's soccer and on the weekends I go sailing.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, however, I do something decidedly different. I play bicycle polo.

Fellow Toastmasters and most welcome guests...

Bicycle polo is exactly what it sounds like. It is just like polo, but played on bicycles instead of horses. I am using the term "just like" here rather loosely. I have no idea what the rules of horse polo are, but I do know that it involves riding around on horses and using a mallet to hit a little ball. In bicycle polo, you ride around on a bicycle and use a mallet to hit a little ball. Thus the obvious comparison. I suppose other comparisons could be made, such as bicycle polo being “just like” field hockey on bicycles and without skirts, but in that case it would be called bicycle hockey, not polo. Some objective observers, after watching us race around a field on bicycles, whacking at a ball and waving around what look like croquet mallets, give it a more descriptive title: biking with weapons.

The basic premise of bicycle polo is straightforward. You have two teams riding around on bicycles, and the objective is to use your mallets to hit the ball through your opponents goal. Also, any one player is allowed to hit the ball only 3 times in succession. Sounds simple doesn't it.

There are complications. Right of way is one of them. One advantage I believe that horse polo has over bicycle polo is that horses are smart. If a horse is going somewhere and sees an obstacle, such as another horse, in its way then evasive action will be taken. Bicycles, on the other hand, are not that smart. While playing bicycle polo I've seen other bicycles, goal posts, trees, lamp post, dogs, small children, and cars getting in the way of a bicycle and, well darn if that bicycle didn't just try to keep right on going. There's is not much that can be done about external influences such as trees and dogs, but the right of way rules do govern other bicycle polo players. I don't know the official wording of the right of way rules, but they can be summarized as “thou shalt be penalized for t-boning another player who has the ball.”

Of course, just because there is a rule against it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Also note that the rules do not state anything at all about what you can do to another player who does not have the ball. And since much of the game is spent looking in one direction while steering your bicycle in another direction, accidents happen.

The first year I played bicycle polo, when I was using the same bicycle that I used to commute to work, I suffered 2 smashed bicycle computers, a busted reflector, a broken lock mount, a warped back wheel, and a mallet (my own) through my front spokes. This year, I went to a local used bike shop and picked up an old rust-bucket that I could use as a dedicated polo bicycle. As an anti-theft measure, I painted the bicycle ugly orange (including the tires) and leave it locked outside work 24/7. Other players fondly (or fearfully) refer to it as Orange Crush, and it has served me well. I no longer fear for my bicycle's safety, so I have extra aggression factor that I didn't have before.

There are other advantages to using an old beat-up bicycle for bicycle polo. Since you hold your mallet in your right hand, that leaves your left left to steer and brake. On most bikes the left hand brake is the front brake, so it is not uncommon to see players with new bicycles flying over their handle bars every few minutes. On Orange Crush, the front brakes are more like a suggestion that gently slows me down. I was planning to swap the back and front brakes, just in case, but repeated collisions have forced me to disconnect the back brake (the wheel won't turn otherwise).

I am continually puzzled by the response bicycle polo receives from non-players. Whenever I mention to anybody that I play bicycle polo, the response is always enthusiastic.  Usually some variation of "Wow" or "No way, that's awesome" or just plain "Huh?" But whenever we actually play, the game receives almost zero attention. I always imagined a small crowd of people forming, looking on with curiosity and excitement. Instead, the response is complete indifference. I can only conclude that either people are very polite and don't want to stare, or that we look like complete idiots out there on the field and nobody wants to be associated with us.

And just so you don't think that bicycle polo is some local weirdness we made up, the history of bicycle polo stretches back over 100 years, and the sport is played in over a dozen countries. There are official balls, official mallets, official bicycle equipment, and official leagues with official tournaments.

There are also official rules, but we only follow those loosely. Sports are no fun if you take them too seriously.